Red Abalone began invading our town soon after they tested the first offshore nuclear bombs back in 52'. At first it was only a few at a time, and Fish and Game could be called in to quell the excitement and run them off back to the tide pools. But soon, they began to come in waves, and both men and women were witnessed fainting at the sight of seven foot Red Abalone with glowing eyes walking upright and trying to get a root beer out of the soda machine.
No-one really minded at first, Red Abalone had never done us any harm, and the really big ones were generally good natured and could be sent along their way with a cold root beer most of the time. All of this changed of course, after the second round of test blasts. This time there were Red Abalone pouring out of the sea, and forty footers had to be corralled away from the center of town because they would clumsily crush automobiles and buildings, desperately searching for a root beer big enough to quench their insatiable thirst. Everyone had to buy special shades for their windows because the glow from their eyes now made it look like daytime nearly all night long. Some folks took them in if they had room, feeling bad about the nuclear radiation and the mutations and all. Things really weren't really that bad actually, but we were running out of root beer. Unfortunately, we never got a chance to receive the additional tanker truckloads worth that we had ordered. One fateful day a three hundred foot Red Abalone rose from the sea, some said it must have been right at the epicenter of the last test blast. It half lumbered, half slithered up the shore towards town, then over the town, rendering it a certified disaster area. We lodged a few complaints with our congresswoman that day.
Copyright © 2007 Red Abalone .com. All rights reserved.